Do you ever find that it's hard to ask God for something specific? Sometimes if the conversation starts leaning any particular direction of desire, I’ll say, “Well, Lord, you know.” And then I shut up. Like I’m going to be a bother or he doesn’t want to hear it. Or something.
Because after all, he doesn’t deserve ridicule on my behalf, for failing me. His reputation doesn’t deserve damage. Besides, he’s the one with the all-powerful plan, so … whatever he says goes, right? Why should I ask, pray, plead? God always does what he wants in the end. If he doesn’t do what I ask, he’ll have a reason.
Yet we’re supposed to pray.
“It’s painful to ask,” my roommate commented to me once when I mentioned my question. “It’s painful to keep your heart open.”
Why is it painful? It's vulnerable. It leaves a part of us open and raw and available for damage...unless the one we're entrusting ourselves to is capable of holding us gently. I believe that part of us is a precious piece of the honesty involved in truly having a relationship with God.
I hazard a guess that sometimes what we call “faith in God’s sovereignty” actually provides a glitzy religious mask that no longer requires us to ask him for anything, since it disguises our fear that he will not do or be all that he has promised, fear that we will end up disappointed, discouraged, and discarded.
It also leads to a dangerous self-reliance that might also be called idolatry, as we look to ourselves (or maybe other sources) to provide the things that God has promised, things only he is able to provide.
I think my “faith” sometimes becomes either false optimism or a peculiar fatalism that simultaneously removes me from control (because God is sovereign) and removes God from any responsibility or authority if He doesn’t seem to answer (because he is sovereign, and he knows best).
Oh, I’ll say it’s trust or faith, but I’m not actually willing to go out on a limb to ask for it, just in case God doesn’t come through for me the way I think He ought to. Then I won’t be disappointed, because well, my expectations weren’t all that high to begin with.
I’m protecting myself from being failed.
I’m protecting Him from failing me.
Because if He fails me, where will I run?
Because I need Him. Like a soft shroud of protection, a refuge. I need Him to be what I think I need. What I think I need is pretty limited. Pretty basic.
I ask for a kitten, when what I need is a lion.
For comfort, when I need defense.
I ask for a blanket when I could have a furnace.
And He is what I need. The trouble is, He is so much more. My low expectations limit how I see His character and provision. He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we can ask or imagine.
As His people, people with a true relationship with our Father, we are summoned away from self-reliance into a place of childlike dependency on Him. God is able. More than able. He is willing to become what I cannot become for myself, take me places I never thought I could go.
When our hearts are aligned with the will of God, and our lives are lived out with his interests in mind (and by the way, his interests are in his kingdom and his glory—not necessarily in our comfort) we can ask in faith, trusting, believing that he truly answers. Because he will.
I always said I didn’t want to raise support. I said I didn’t want to be dependent on others for my needs. Neither did I want to be dependent on God! And often, when I prayed it seemed my requests went unheeded. But the moment I stepped out in faith, my requests automatically aligned themselves more with the purposes I know to be God’s in this world. And he has provided. Completely and abundantly. This has been one of the biggest faith-builders of my life, this journey. But it required that I seek him first, and then get out of my “boat.”
It’s not that God doesn’t care about our little requests. It’s not that he doesn’t want us to appreciate “life abundantly.” But I think we need to remember sometimes that he sees the end from the beginning, and he knows what true abundant life means. What it is. Lots of times he uses those little requests we make to build our faith… but sometimes he knows it will actually harm us in the long run to have the things we think we desire. The secret to having what we desire is to view our desires through the lens of God’s perspective and align them with his purpose.
He wants us to ask, because the act of asking acknowledges his sovereignty and his desire to supply for us, and causes us to consider why we want what we do. It acknowledges our relationship with him as our Father.
When we protect God, we put him in a box that limits the way he moves. True trust, making honest requests and believing God actually wants to step in, requires surrendering far too much of the control I treasure. I have to recognize that “control” and “protection” are his job, not mine.
What if our sincere faith gives him not more room to fail, but more room to prove Himself faithful and make his glory known?
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1 comments:
Oh Lyndi-girl, this is some good processing and deepening of this idea since we talked about it some months ago.
You have taken this a lot further toward the end of who God is and what our relationship with Him really is. He is delighted to abundantly fulfill our requests when we ask according to His will... Now to live like we believe that!
Love you!
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